Betty ford says i'm here all night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
