Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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