ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
