I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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