My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
