One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
not ubering you a puppy
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
