Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
