Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
