Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
