he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
