But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
