'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
