Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
