Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize