I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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