At least make sure they are 18
Why
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
