He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
