He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
