I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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