I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
