You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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