were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
