it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
