And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
