I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
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Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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