Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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