We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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