You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
