He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
