hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Randomize
