this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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