Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's never too late to be topless.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have already put on my inside pants.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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