I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
