It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My penis needs a shock collar
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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