also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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