New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
