thus making me awesome and them whores
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
