still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
