Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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