Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
