Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
