Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
