i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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