I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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