never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
