He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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