last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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