....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
