drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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