Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
