I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
