Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
