Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
