Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She even gives head with a lisp.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
