you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
