I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
