glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
