So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
