omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
