And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
