sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
