My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
